of mowing and mindfulness

Yesterday we took some time out to mow the pasture. My husband rented a big brush mower which he had to push up and down hills and around, but I worked with my scythe on the edges and the places too narrow or delicate for the mower. I love working with the scythe; it’s quiet, rhythmic work, and the swish of the blade cutting through the grass is enormously satisfying. I’m not a person who loves outdoor labor, but that’s a job I would do willingly every day.

I’ve been reading on mindfulness lately and it occurred to me as I worked that’s exactly what I love about it: the design of the scythe, the grass, the sharpness of the blade, they all invite mindful attention and presence. I can’t have the scythe in one hand and my phone in the other. My whole body is engaged with the swinging, my eyes and my thoughts are always aware of the blade. It’s one of the few times I don’t feel pulled in myriad directions.

I carried that little gem of insight with me at the end of the day and thought about why I have been feeling so fragmented lately and what I can do about it. As dark came on, I turned off most of the lights and lit a few candles and sat with my knitting. I usually listen to a reading or something while I knit, but last night I wanted to let my mind roam through what I’d learned during the day. It’s strange how rarely I do that, just sit in the quiet with my own mind. It didn’t take long to identify ways I could help myself. I already know what they are, they just get buried under other, competing messages.

As many of us are learning now, we can be operating right inside of systems that are invisible to us. We can be acting on beliefs we have no real consciousness of. (This applies to all kinds of belief systems, not just racism, though that is at the top of many minds these days.) Those deep-seated, so-intrusive-we-don’t-even-recognize-them systems of belief can only be seen when we make a practice of sitting down with ourselves and looking inside. Even though it’s cliche, it is difficult to be alone with our own minds. Somehow, deep down, we know that we will see and understand things that will be too difficult to fix right away, and that’s frightening.

I’ve developed many strategies over the years to avoid such inner-looking, but one way is to imagine myself too busy. Busyness is a nice excuse to keep the eyes focused on some distant point in the future. I usually accomplish this by having ridiculous standards, too much stuff, and co-opting other people’s passions and goals (this is the intellectual version of impulse buying that print/skirt/necklace/mug I saw on Instagram that one day.) The other strategy I employ is being too overwhelmed. Sometimes, the compulsive checking of news and opinions is actually a way of not engaging. Sometimes I am giving other people’s drama too much of my inner space. If I keep myself in a state of anxiety I can’t actually be expected to deal with anything real, can I?

The hardest thing of all is to enter the quiet of this moment and attend only to that and what it reveals (especially when the war drums are beating outside). But to me this is where everything begins. Life is like a golden spiral. What I learn of love and truth in the center of my being will remain constant for my interactions with the world outside of myself. This is why the greatest rule we have is basically, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It’s a rule that is impossible to follow without intimate knowing and engagement. But it’s also a rule that provides a livable scale.

Myself.

My neighbor.

Spiraling naturally out and out and out.

This practice of mindfulness is one in which I want to continue to learn. I would love to hear your thoughts and insights if you want to share.

Peace to you, my friends.

“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”

~ Thich Nhat Hahn

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I also wanted to share with you this opportunity to help amplify black writers! Amistad Books is hosting #BlackoutBestsellerList .

“To demonstrate our power and clout in the publishing industry, Saturday June 13 – Saturday June 20, we encourage you to purchase any two books by Black writers. Our goal is to Blackout bestseller lists with Black voices.”

(I ordered the first two books in N.K. Jemisin’s The Broken Earth series. If you order books by black writers this week, please leave a note and let me know who you are going to be reading!)